At a Friday Night worship service a few years ago, one of my friends approached me and told me she had been watching me. I was on the floor, my short hair in my face, weeping before God. She said she admired me for that because she was always conscious about how her hair looked and not wanting to be a total mess in front of people.
I laughed and told her that now I was all self conscious because she had been watching me. But then I told her about an experience that I had.
A few months prior, we had watched one of the messages from our Women’s Convention. I had been in attendance at that convention and remembered the message because I saw it first hand. Hearing it a second time had just as much of an impact in my life as that first time did. At the end, instead of our worship team returning to the altar and doing an altar call, the video kept on and we allowed the worship team on the screen to lead us. I was at the altar, surrounded by my fellow church family, praying and seeking God.
And I looked up at the screen.
There on double screens for the entire church to see I stood in the crowd of women,weeping uncontrollably, makeup running down my face, tears and yes “nasal tears” and my hair looking like my hands had been running through it over and over again.
And it was a close up.
At once, I looked around, hoping no one was looking at the screen. I was fearful that someone would see me in that state.
And then God spoke to me
“That is your ugly face, and I love it”.
That face showed that I was humble
I was broken
I was in need of repair
I was seeking
I was being found
I was being restored
I was a beautiful mess
In a time when I felt the ugliest, when I looked like I was all broken apart, God was loving me so much. He was smiling down on that face of mine with love. That face was so beautiful to him because it was not overshadowing my heart anymore. It had become my Ugly Face- and it was beautiful to Him.
The next time I saw my friend worshipping, she said that she was trying to embrace her ugly face.